Trauriges_Glueck's Xanga

HOMOPHOBIA

Mon, 06 Mar 2006 22:35:11 GMT

HOMOPHOBIA

•   I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

•   I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

•   I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

•   We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

•   I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

•   I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

•   I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

•   I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

•   We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

•   I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

•   I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

•   I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

•   I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

•   I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

•   I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

•   I am the woman who died when the EMTs stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual. (yes, this actually happened)

•   I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didnt have to always deal with society hating me.

•   I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

•   I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

•   I am the person ashamed to tell my own friends im a lesbian, because they constantly make fun of them.

•   I am the boy tied to a fence, beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die because two straight men wanted to "teach me a lesson"

•   I am the gay male student that had to switch to another high school on my senior year, because I told my teachers that I was gay. One said that I was going to hell the other wanted to cure me.

***Post this everywhere you can if you believe homophobia is wrong***

"Take Away the Pain"

Sat, 18 Feb 2006 10:06:38 GMT

I know I actually haven't updated my site in any way for a very long time, but I wanted to put this new poem on there. Sometimes in life, we just become morbidly.....upset, I'll say.....and these kind of poems result.

"Darkness
   Darkness
   Creeping in
   Take Away the Pain.
   Save me, Save me
   Save me now
   Save me from the Pain.
   Slow, Slow
   Slow the Blood
   Bleed away the Pain.
   Down, Down
   Run the Tears
   Cry away the Pain.
   Breathe, Breathe
   Gasp for Air
   Dry away the Pain.
   Trembling hands,
   Trembling limbs
   Shake away the Pain.
Repeat, Repeat
Repeat Again
Take away the Pain.
Screaming, Screaming
Loud again
Scream away the Pain.
Gripping, Gripping
Fingers fast
Rip away the Pain.
Flesh from bone
Pain will last
Tear away the Pain.
In a rush
Life is blurred
Fades away the Pain.
Then at last,
No more word
And,

Taken Away is the Pain."

Wesley C. Elmlinger '06

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Wed, 04 Jan 2006 07:21:53 GMT

Ok, I know that it has been a while since my last entry, but I have been at home visiting my family, and just haven't done it....I don't really have much to say. I just can't think of anything, I guess..........I got a small mp3 player for Christmas, but that's really all that was good. Anyway, I will just leave it at that...

"In meiner Kette fehlt kein Glied
Wenn die Lust von hinten zieht
Mein Geschlecht schimpft mich Verräter
Ich bin der Alptraum aller Väter

"Mann gegen Mann
Meine Haut gehört den Herren
Mann gegen Mann
Gleich und gleich gesellt sich gern"

[No links are missing in my chain / Whenever the desire comes from behind / My sex scolds me, "Traitor!" / I am the nightmare of all fathers / Man on Man / My skin belongs to gentlemen / Man on Man / Equal and Equal like to gather themselves together (Birds of a feather flock together)]

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Tue, 29 Nov 2005 20:27:06 GMT

Ok, I am feeling really down today actually. I have days once in a while where I just feel so bad. I just feel so lost if that is the word. I feel like everyone and everything has abandoned me. I mean, there are people who love me in my family and who would help me, but is their kind of help the kind of help that I am really seeking. Most of my family will just tell me what I have done wrong already. I thing I know pretty well what I've done wrong in my life. That is between me and God and only me and God. My relationship with God, I believe, only stays there, between me and God and NO ONE else. But, I guess that is beside the point. I just feel that no one in the world could ever fully understand or grasp my problems and struggles. It's not that I think that I have it worse than everyone and that's why no one would be able to understand, it's just that I think that my problems are only experienced by me, so I am the only one that fully understands them, which sometimes, I even doubt that very thing. Sometimes I wonder if I even fully understand my own problems. That's actually more of a reason that other people would never understand them. I don't know what to think. I just think that maybe I am just supposed to suffer for a little while. Maybe God is just punishing me and I am just meant to suffer through it. Bleed a little, so that I can start with fresh blood. After all, sins are never truly relieved without the shedding of blood somehow.

,,Bestrafe Mich! Der Herrgott nimmt, der Herrgott gibt!´´

(Punish me! God takes, God gives!)--Rammstein

Monday, November 21, 2005

Mon, 21 Nov 2005 22:56:33 GMT

Well, I am totally feeling down today...I don't even know why...I just don't really have much energy, and I am trying not to show it...I am easily irritated today too...That is really strange because I am taking my pills. They normally work really well, so I just don't know why they aren't working now. I don't like it. I know it's not the weather because it has been just all of a sudden. I wasn't feeling this way yesterday or during the weekend. I don't know....I don't even know if I have the energy to write in this blog anymore...

Friday, November 11, 2005

Fri, 11 Nov 2005 09:30:54 GMT

Well, I guess it is obvious enough, but I changed my background pic. I think it is hot!!! I also changed my profile pic, which is cool, I guess. My life has been full of enough excitement lately, but definitely not in any way that I could or would blab on here. One never knows really. Anyway, I am still searching for the love of my life. That seems all too common in today's world for everyone, so I don't want to embelish my problem with it. That would be not only pointless but also too dramatic. I pretty much found out that I am a drama queen. Yeah, I know that it is weird that I say it like that. Like I don't actually know that I am a drama queen? Well, actually, I never noticed until someone pointed it out to me. I guess that makes me stupid or something, but it's true. I also pretty much hate myself because of it. I can't stand drama queens myself, and now, I have to realize to myself that I am one of the kind of people that disgusts me. Wow! It pretty much causes me to internally HATE myself. I am constantly wondering if I am coming off as too much of a drama queen now. I don't want to come off as a drama queen. I think that is one of the main reasons that I don't have that special someone in my life right now. It's because no one can stand me. And I guess, judging by the way different people have told me, I am not just a little bit of a drama queen but very much. That definitely doesn't make it any better. I mean, I know everyone can be a bit of a drama queen at times, but I guess, I break the mold and go beyond the normal drama queen attributes. I just HATE this. I have to constantly tell myself to not hate myself and just change it. The main problem with just changing it is that it isn't very easy. Especially when it is a part of your personality and you hardly even realize it is there. It is very difficult. I don't know. I just don't know what to think.............

,,Ich muss nicht meine Emotionen mich beherrschen lassen"!!

"I must not let my emotions control me!"

Friday, November 04, 2005

Fri, 04 Nov 2005 22:48:43 GMT

Random Quote Alert!!!!!

,,Kultur beherrscht uns''!! (Culture controls us!)

,,Ich bin schön, trotz was du sagen darfst''!! (I am beautiful, despite what you may say!)

Friday, November 04, 2005

Fri, 04 Nov 2005 07:06:28 GMT

Ø îãûå åðùãïðå åðôå Ø öùãäâ èó ûåãçøâ ôòâ öêøåó öøåð Êãûûøôò äóååóêû.

(I just thought that I would be stupid and write with Russian letters.)

PS. It doesn't really say anything in Russian either. I just switched the keyboard to Russian and typed out what it says in parentheses. Isn't that stupid? Hehehehehe!!!

Actually, I typed it with the Russian keyboard and it came out in Russian letters at first, but then when I submitted it to the blog, it came out like this......I have no idea!!!!

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Sun, 30 Oct 2005 18:51:37 GMT

Well, I decided to change the look of each of my blog entries (obviously). Last night, I went to Martha's and had a good time, at least compared to how it normally is. It was extremely packed though, almost to where one couldn't breathe. It was still fun I guess. I met someone and talked and such...that's that really...I don't know what else to say about my life up to this point. I am kind of tired right now really. I should probably go and take a short nap if I can take a short nap. I usually can't. It usually ends up lasting for a few hours. I do have homework and studying to do that must be done. Well, I guess I will try to leave another blog entry when I can later on or tomorrow, hopefully, one of the two. Bye for now then...........

WES

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Tue, 25 Oct 2005 18:28:36 GMT

Well, I am bored a bit today. My cell phone doesn't work and that is kind of the only phone I have. I am just totally in an indifferent mood I guess. It's not really a bad day, but it is not really a good day either. I don't even know how to explain it. I am writing this, as a matter of fact, because I don't know what else to do...I don't know...Anyway, now that I have wasted time and everything...I guess I will go and do homework. Exciting!

--Wes